My Story
Posted on 01/20/2010 07:27 am by Ali BalwegI was baptized in the Catholic Church when I was 4 months old. When I was in about kindergarten or 1st grade my mom decided to switch churches since my dad was the one who was Catholic and he never even went. We ended up an ELCA Lutheran church where I happily attended Sunday school with my best friend. My church didn’t have a formal first communion so my family decided I should do it on my own in conjunction with my 10th birthday. I remember learning about what the bread and wine stood for, but looking back I didn’t fully grasped what taking communion meant. I just did it because it was what was expected of me. Which is how things continued to go.
I went to confirmation class, did all the acolyting, ushering, and sermon notes that were required of me, and even had a little fun at our Faith in Action events. Oh yes, our youth group was called Faith In Action, but I honestly never remember doing anything that even remotely reflected this name when we got together. Instead, we usually just goofed off swimming, playing games or watching movies. We did go to the National ELCA Youth Gathering in Atlanta for a week one summer and went to Rockford on a mission trip another summer. These were amazing experiences, as were the many summer camps I went to, but the weeks never seemed to last long enough to fully impact me. Instead, I just went along with what I was supposed to and even got so good at it that my pastor got it into his head that I should go into ministry and sent me to a special camp at Wartburg Seminary.
This camp was the closest I ever came to my Prince until April of 2008. I don’t remember much from the week but the one thing I do remember is bawling my eyes out after we went through a very moving experience at the top of the bell tower. I to this day still don’t know what caused me to cry like that and after so many years I don’t even remember what was said to us up in that tower. All I know is that God was trying to reach me and I didn’t try hard enough to reach back.
I’m not blaming anyone for my not developing a true relationship with Christ until later in life. I know my parents could have read the bible at home and asked me questions; I know my Sunday school, confirmation teachers, and camp counselors could have pushed a little deeper; I know that someone somewhere a long the line could have seen past my façade and asked me the one thing I couldn’t make up, “Do you surrender your life to God every single day?” And I know that I could have tried a little harder to pray and dig into His word on my own… But none of this can undo what happened, or rather, didn’t happen. Yes, I look back now and am extremely saddened by the fact that I passed up so many opportunities to give my life to Him and then grow in my faith. I wish I could go back and listen to those sermons and participate in the group discussions instead of sitting back thinking about something, anything, else. BUT, I know that because I can’t change the past I need to focus on doing better now and in the future. I may not have known or appreciated the magnitude of my Prince then, but I do now; so now is the time to make up for lost time.
I recently have also been able to see that all those past experiences actually had a big impact on me giving my life to Christ. If I hadn’t been raised going to church I don’t think I would have searched out a church when I got to college. A couple of months into my freshman year at Winona State, I began attending Community Bible Church, which was way different than my church back home, but a place I really liked and kept attending. At the start of my Sophomore year I became an Awana and Youth Group leader. It was through these that I met Skylar, who although he is four years younger, ministered to me in a way no one had ever before. He suggested and lent books to me and patiently replied to my question filled emails. The hunger for God that had been in me from a young age, was finally being fed and by April of 2008, I was ready to give my life to my Prince. I was sitting in my room one day and decided that it was time. I drove to Target after I had bought myself a journal and returned home, I started the beginning of the rest of my life.
I’d like to say that everything was just peachy from here on out, but we all know that’s not how it works. God began convicting me of things right away, and I didn’t like it one bit. The biggest change I saw myself needing to make was my friends. I was still hanging out with a big group of guys and girls from my dorm Freshman year, a group who partied. I have always had an intense passion against alcohol so I never drank while I was with them, but I’d sit there while everyone else drank. It’s funny to look back at now, but I didn’t like anything they did- I didn’t like the jokes they told or the music they listened to… and I was always uncomfortable when I was there because I didn’t fit in, but I still spent every weekend with them.
Beginning to pull away from them was very hard. Although I had three amazing roommates, I still felt very lonely. I found myself spending many Friday and Saturday nights sitting in my room all alone crying. After awhile, I bought into the devil’s lie that I should still go hang out with them so that I could be a light for Jesus in their lives. But as a new Christian, I wasn’t ready for that yet. So, I pulled away again, and experienced another wave of loneliness. I didn’t understand why God would let me be so lonely. I see now that He was prying my hands off from my reliance on them, and prying hurts, even if it’s God’s work. In time I learned how to be confident in Christ and to not need to rely on other people. I also learned the value of true friendships and how much better one friendship rooted in Christ is than a hundred surface friendships.
After I had learned of my worth in Christ’s eyes alone, not other peoples, I was ready for the types of communities Christ did want in my life. I felt a call to serve at the bible camp I had grown up attending. I went into summer 2009 at Sugar Creek Bible Camp with the mission to impact my campers in a deep way, and I came out with not only that, but also having been impacted myself. Through my campers and fellow staff I grew in my own faith. Our staff was over 60 in number, but we were very close knit and by the end of summer I realized I had finally found a Christian community to be a part of. It was hard to leave that community at the close of summer, especially when I was coming back to Winona, where despite trying out many different groups, I had not found a community. After the first couple of weeks the fall of my Senior year, with the help of Sky, I discovered The Edge. I am so thankful for the true friendships I have made and the outpouring of Christ’s love I witness and take part in every day. Although I wish I would have found The Edge sooner, I know it was all in God’s timing and I am thankful I found it at all before I leave Winona in May.
One more big part of my story that I’d like to mention is my struggle with the decision to be re-baptized. Remember I had surrendered my life to Christ in April? Well it wasn’t until five months later that I took that next step. One of the biggest things holding me back was my past. My pastor from back home was very against re-baptism and told me that I didn’t need it because I was already baptized. I was very confused by all the mixed messages I was getting. However, after talking to Sky and several other people I was able to see that my pastor was right, my salvation didn’t hinge on this second baptism (but consequently, it didn’t on the first either). But despite this, I knew that it was something I wanted to do. So then I got tangled up in the web of where, who and when. Sky was once again very patient with me during this whole process and assured me God would show me the details so I should just stop worrying. And of course, that’s exactly what happened. It was always in the back of my mind, ‘Hey, wouldn’t it be cool if Sky baptized me since he was so instrumental in my faith,’ but I quickly pushed that out of the way because I figured it had to be a pastor or elder that did it. But I didn’t feel close to any of them, so finally one day when Sky asked me who I wanted to get baptized by, not who I should, I stepped out on a limb and told him I wanted him to do it. He flipped. And I mean in a good way. It turns out earlier that month has he had been laying in his cabin at camp talking with the other guys something inside him and suddenly clicked and told him that he was going to baptize me. He didn’t say anything because he trusted God would tell me as well. I was thrilled. Immediately the where and the when fell into place. I decided to get baptized in the Ogren’s beautiful creek and on September 11th, 2008, exactly 20 years after my initial baptism. I choose to do it at sunrise because I liked the symbolizing of the newness that both sunrises and baptisms brings. The Ogren family, another family from CBC, and a few of my roommates and friends where present, and it was beautiful!
Wow, this is so cool to read through. When I was first saved in April of 2008, I didn’t think I had a testimony. There was nothing huge or momentous that had happened in my life. But I have learned now that every single person who gives his or her life to Christ has a beautiful and special story because God is the author of it. So don’t ever let the devil tell you that you aren’t special or don’t have a story. I challenge you to write down that story and share it. I’ll leave you off with my favorite passage of scripture, my “life-verse” if you will…
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off all that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him, endured the cross, scorning it’s shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, that you will not grow weary or loose heart.” -Hebrews 12:1-3
